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But first, there’s something I really, really need you to hear: This post is not meant to shame you if you’ve already make sinned—big or small—with a guy. I’m not talking about the kind of mild-mannered, easily-overcome addiction I have to a certain raspberry chocolate-chip gelato right now.

Trust me—I’ve been there, and I have nothing but love and compassion for you and your situation. I’m talking about a physical addiction that comes from things like drugs more often than ice cream.

Most are “it’s really wise to avoid.” And one or two are for those who know they’re no good at putting the breaks on once things get going even a little bit and find it safer to avoid letting things get going in the first place.

So with that list, you’re trying to get people to think about chastity differently? Too often we approach questions about chastity from a negative standpoint. That’s serious business – entertaining business, mind you, but not mere entertainment. At least for women, the more serious smooching we do, the more of our hearts we give. The rest of the reason is that such a question reveals we’re not thinking about sexual intimacy properly.

You must decide before you go on the date what your limits will be.

If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical relationship, rethink the relationship. If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, don’t do it. Don’t push a date to do anything that makes him/her feel uncomfortable. You give clear-cut advice on physical parameters in a chaste relationship, and you write that “If you’re serious about embracing chastity, you have to become a bit of an old fuddy duddy.” You spell out situations to avoid: Drinking too much at parties, on dates, or during events out; talking too long and too late in the car; talking too long and too late anywhere; sleepovers; laying down together; kissing laying down; kissing sitting down; maybe even kissing standing up; not to mention kissing with any portion of your clothing removed. I’m just giving a list of situations that can become – or are – minefields for a couple trying to date chastely.Now, a couple of those situations listed are “avoid at all cost” – drinking too much, clothes off. But, the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need. Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. 7) Is there too much physical and too little other?

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A few of you posted comments asking why we couldn’t just stop the physical side of our relationship instead of having to break up.

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  1. Mike & Caren: «After coming really close to giving up on finding someone who was right for me I have finally found her dating profile and realised — this is the woman I want to spend my entire life with!